Call me whatever you will but I am someone who needs people. I need people who are connected to me. I need intimacy. Not sex-intimacy. I need a connectedness between me and someone else. Right now, I have contact but no sense of being connected to anyone else. My connections have been broken for various reasons.
God I know that you are with me. Just let me know that I am not alone.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Exhaustion
Hi All! I haven't blogged in a while and shame on me, right? Writing is and has always been therapeutic for me. So why have I stopped? Is it because I wrote a book and I think all that needs to be said has been said already? Is it because I have so much to say that writing it down would make me say more? Who knows. Maybe it is both those reasons and more. I just know that I need to write...
So today, exhaustion. I am thoroughly exhausted. I am a hospital chaplain and after week 7, I can say that I am tired. I am on E. My supervisor and others have asked, What do I need? I couldn't answer them then but after reflecting, I need to be filled up. But what kind of filling? Emotional? Spiritual? I don't know. But what do we do when we are exhausted? Sleep. I've tried but that doesn't seem to work. That is why I think there is something else that I am empty of. Maybe it is love. Maybe it is companionship. Maybe it is intimacy. Whatever it is, I am empty of it.
Tomorrow, I am going to get my hair done (probably cut) and get a pedi. This should at least make me feel pretty. I am also going to clean my house and car. This should at least make me feel responsible. And then, after that, nothing. I have an obligation this evening that I am going to follow through with. But after that, nothing. Sigh...oh the thought of doing nothing. I may even have my son spend the night with family. lol.
So today, exhaustion. I am thoroughly exhausted. I am a hospital chaplain and after week 7, I can say that I am tired. I am on E. My supervisor and others have asked, What do I need? I couldn't answer them then but after reflecting, I need to be filled up. But what kind of filling? Emotional? Spiritual? I don't know. But what do we do when we are exhausted? Sleep. I've tried but that doesn't seem to work. That is why I think there is something else that I am empty of. Maybe it is love. Maybe it is companionship. Maybe it is intimacy. Whatever it is, I am empty of it.
Tomorrow, I am going to get my hair done (probably cut) and get a pedi. This should at least make me feel pretty. I am also going to clean my house and car. This should at least make me feel responsible. And then, after that, nothing. I have an obligation this evening that I am going to follow through with. But after that, nothing. Sigh...oh the thought of doing nothing. I may even have my son spend the night with family. lol.
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